Dejavu
by houselesswriter
Summary: After an accident that brings back memories, Hachiman is forced to look again at his relationships and decide what they mean to him.
1. Chapter 1

"Yukino-senpai, Yui-senpai, senpai, thank you again! I'll see you in a bit with the rest of the details!" Isshiki thanked us for agreeing to help her out again with an event at the community center, then ran off before I could try again to get out of this ordeal. At least it sounded like it would only be something like setting up chairs and cleaning up after. I hope. Either way there are two other problems I had to deal with: Yukinoshita and Yuigahama glaring at me.

"Hikki, you spoil Iroha-chan too much." Yuigahama gave up glaring and said so in what sounded like a distant tone.

"I thought we've gone over this, if she relies on us too much then it defeats the purpose of this club." Yukinoshita of course had her strong opinions on the matter. Not that I didn't understand what she's getting at, but calling this reliance is a bit too much.

"Geez, I try to be a nice guy and this is what I get. It'll probably just be setting up chairs and throwing away trash. Asking for help for something like that doesn't seem unreasonable. If anything, it shows that she can be resourceful and find cheap labor for menial tasks like that." Not bad, if I say so myself. Still, Yukinoshita sighed and held her temple.

"First, if I remember correctly you were doing what you could to avoid helping at all costs, so you obviously aren't doing this out of kindness. You aren't wrong however, about it probably being something like that. Actually, you're perfect for taking out the trash. Oh sorry, I meant that you're trash." She went on to pick up the book she was reading before Isshiki came in, and didn't continue her assault on my heart. Looks like her low expectations of me convinced her. That's okay with me.

"Hikki… what did she whisper to you, by the way?" Ugh, I hoped they wouldn't ask that. Isshiki reminded me about the receipts she's been keeping whenever we hang out, or even if I'm near her and she pays for stuff using the student council budget. Also, how am I supposed to say no when she approaches my chair like that, leans over me, holds onto my shoulder to support herself, and whisper into my ears with that tone?

"She was just reminding me about a favor I owed her. Actually, I think this is something I can take care of on my own. It shouldn't take more than an hour at most, and I'll just find somewhere to read while I wait for the event to finish."

I felt my face starting to get flushed so I grabbed my book as well and replied in a hurry. They began to glare at me again, I could tell without looking up to check. It didn't last long however. I heard two sighs and when I looked up they were occupied with reading. Yuigahama started studying during club so she could ask Yukinoshita or me for help, so I wasn't surprised. I might have been first to try to do homework here during club time, but of course Yukinoshita wasn't having any of that. The next day Yuigahama tried, and convinced (seduced?) Yukinoshita to let her and even to help her out. Hmm… what a nice friendship. Sarcasm aside, I really do think this is good to see. For someone like Yukinoshita, who probably hasn't had a friend like Yuigahama, it has really helped her break out of her shell. As for Yuigahama, I feel Yukinoshita is a great influence. She challenges her and is always willing to help her, whether it's teaching or simply listening to her. As I thought about this, the door opened with Isshiki coming back, as expected.

"I'm back! Are you guys ready to go?" Isshiki was carrying a rather large box, apparently stuff she needed for the event. She approached me and gave us a huge smile. Geez, you're too cute when you want to.

"Isshiki, what are we going to do? Just set up and clean up after? I can help you myself, doesn't sound like it'll take too long." I rose from my chair and made a motion to take the box from her. It bothers me a bit to see how trained I've become under Komachi's guidance, but I don't mind since it would be weird to let her carry that all the way. She gave me a sheepish smile as she handed it to me, but then made an exaggerated gasp.

"Are you perhaps hitting on me? I'm sorry but I'm really busy with school and being the student council president, so it won't work at this time. Also, you're not my type." Wow, she can't be this mean. Oh well, I was expecting to get rejected anyway. Wait, I didn't really ask her out.

"All right, I get it, I don't have a chance. Now let's get this over with." I tried to sound irritated and headed towards the door, but Isshiki just smiled back and got ahead of me to lead the way. As if on cue, I heard the other two quickly gather their belongings and follow us towards the hallway.

"We don't mind helping at all, Iroha-chan! We'll do a better job than Hikki!" Gahama-san, that second part wasn't necessary.

"Indeed, that man won't be able to do anything without supervision. Allow us to help as well." Well, they both sounded convincing at least. Makes no difference to me so I'm not going to stop them.

"Thanks to both of you! It'll be fun I promise!" And with that we were off to the community center.

The center wasn't too far from school. As usual, the three girls were walking slightly ahead of me, chatting happily and laughing. I could see a head of pink hair, in its dumpling ball hairstyle, swaying back and forth as Yuigahama alternated speaking to Isshiki, who would glance back occasionally and smile, and Yukinoshita, who would enter the conversation occasionally. Again, girls getting along is a nice thing to see.

The only thing that made this a pain was this huge box I was carrying. It wasn't really heavy as much it was bulky, but it was heavy enough that I had to shift it several times to be able to make it. I should have made that girl carry it after all. Sure, she was a girl, younger than me as well. Her frame is small, but she carried it herself from the student council room. And what about gender equality? The more noticeable differences between genders are body size and strength (and of course… never mind). If women started carrying boxes for men and do the heavy lifting, I bet in several generations the size and strength disparity between sexes would decrease. This just might be the revolutionary way of thinking we need to finally have equality for all.

As I was entertaining this stupid train of thought, we were finally across the family center. We were waiting for the signal to turn, and I noticed two figures exiting the center and head our way, as if to cross the street as well. I heard an excited voice, and immediately recognized both of them.

"Ha-chan!" Kawasaki Keika, aka Kei-chan, let go of her sister's hand to wave energetically at us, since her other was occupied with a small drink. Her sister, Kawa-something-san, seemingly embarrassed to having so many stares in her direction, also made a small wave.

Ah, for her it was probably those moments when you recognize someone from far away, and should probably greet them, but the distance makes it awkward. Like if they're too far and you call out their name (like Keika did) you just stare at each other until you get close enough to not talk normally.

I noticed Keika grab a sheet out of her small backpack, and with a huge smile ran towards us.

Kawasaki saw this too and yelled at her to get back, but she was already mid-street.

I saw her horrified expression and immediately scanned the road to see if cars or bikes were crossing.

A small van, probably from some utility company, honked its horn and slammed on the breaks.

As soon as I saw it, I dropped the box and ran towards the little girl who had frozen in place. I knew I wouldn't get there in time, but I hoped I could at least hold her and take most of the impact. _If I saved a dog, and not a human…_

I was able to pick her up, but as soon as I tried running-


	2. Chapter 2

Human beings tend to be creatures of habit. Whether it is a morning routine, or the commute to work, or even the way we prepare a sandwich, we tend to think of the last time we faced a similar situation so that we can aim for a predictable and desirable outcome. It's probably a mixture of looking for the easiest way to accomplish a task, and something like fear of the unknown. I'm sure there are people who thrive when unexpected situations come up. I've personally felt the stimulation of doing something for the first time. Or even going to a new place, with no one to guide you or tell you where to go or how to get there. That feeling of independence fuels your confidence, and in turn makes you more willing to put yourself in those situations.

At the same time, it makes sense to look back at your own experiences and of those around you. Why reinvent the wheel when I can just go to a bike shop to buy one? Or why hesitate when you see someone in the path of a moving vehicle since you know that you can run out to protect them? It worked well last time, so the outcome should be about the same, right?

My thoughts were still a bit hazy since I just woke up, but I immediately recognized the hospital room I was in. Hell, the TV mounted on the wall still had that annoying sticker in the corner. I'm sure someone remembered me from last time and thought this would be hilarious to put me in the same room. At least it's something I would've done.

I looked around for a clock and calendar, and saw that it was the evening after the accident. Wow, I've been knocked out for over a day. My head was hurting a good amount, so I must've hit it pretty hard. My body ached a good amount also, and I noticed my left arm was in a sling. At least it doesn't seem as serious as last time.

It didn't take me long to remember why I was here. In fact, the moment I woke up I saw her sleeping in the chair next to my bed, and the scene from yesterday replayed itself violently in my head. I tried distracting myself with all those thoughts so I didn't have to wonder about Keika. I wish someone could tell me she was in the room next door with no more than a couple bruises. I wanted to wake her up and ask her, but I was scared of what I would hear. If I hit my head hard enough to knock me unconscious for over a day, what would that do to a little girl like Keika?

After much deliberation, I decided to try to wake her. It would probably also be a good idea for her to tell a nurse that I'm awake, assuming they're even waiting for me to wake up. I couldn't reach her, so I cleared my throat and tried calling her name.

"-saki?" My throat was so dry I couldn't properly voice it, but my coughing earlier had stirred Kawasaki and she seemed to have heard me calling her too. Crap, probably thinks I called her by her first name intentionally…

"Hik-Hachiman? Oh my… We were so worried about you. The doctors said you were in a coma, but couldn't predict how long it would take you to wake up." She said this with flushed cheeks and eyes that threatened to burst into tears at any moment. I considered telling her I didn't mean to call her that, but it probably wasn't the right time.

I was also stunned that she mentioned I woke up from a coma. I wondered how close I was to being one of those people who are in comas for years, or never wake up. However, there was a bigger issue I wanted to ask about.

"Wow… I'm not sure how to feel about that… Hey, so… um…"

I couldn't bring myself to ask her about her sister. Something told me that Kawasaki being here meant that she was okay, but how can you ask someone about her sister when the answer could be that she passed away?

She noticed my hesitation, but wiped her eyes and even gave me a small smile.

"Thanks to you, Kei-chan is fine. She only broke her arm. I don't even want to think what would have happened if you hadn't been there to save her… so thank you." In the middle of her speech she had risen from the chair and bowed to me as if I had done something worthy of this gratitude.

If I hadn't been there… she wouldn't have run across the street like that. I couldn't understand what kind of impression I had have left on Keika to make her that excited to see someone like me.

I was starting to feel uneasy, so I reached out to her shoulder so she could stand. At some point her shoulders started shaking and when she lifted her head, tears were already falling. Our gazes were locked, and after a moment she sat on the bed and hugged me. She was repeating those last words in between sobs, and I could feel her tears through the hospital gown. I couldn't do anything but let her cry. Comforting someone was never a skill I picked up, but I tried stroking her back like I would to a younger Komachi.

It didn't take her long to calm down, but even after she stopped crying she didn't make any attempt to get up. Honestly, I didn't want to ask her to get up either. I don't remember the last time I was hugged by someone other than my mom. Even with Komachi, our physical contact was limited to holding hands whenever we went out somewhere crowded or she wanted to raise her "points". In this case, I was slightly surprised at this warmth I felt radiating from her. It makes sense once you think about it, but feeling it first-hand was almost intoxicating. It was a comfortable feeling, but I was still feeling uneasy. I didn't want to get used to something like this.

My hand had stopped moving at some point, and when I became aware of it I shifted it awkwardly enough to stir Kawasaki. She quickly got off the bed and hurriedly apologized to me.

"I'm so sorry! I was just so… I'll go find a nurse and tell her you are up. Sorry for not respecting your personal space." Her cheeks were flushed pink, and voice trailed off at the end.

I understood why she was worried, but she didn't have to apologize. It was her form of showing gratitude. Usually I would brush it off thinking that I hadn't done anything to merit any thanks, but I realized that doing that now would only be disrespectful to her and her family. I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable for expressing herself.

"Hey, don't worry about that…it's understandable… Hey… Kawasaki." It didn't like she was hearing me, so I called out to her louder but it came out in a rough tone. She stopped moving about and turned to look at me.

"Oh, I thought we were calling each other by our… never mind…" So, that's what got her attention.

"No, umm, Saki… don't worry about that just now. I kind of understand what you're feeling. I was also scared about Keika, so I'm happy she's okay." Wow, how embarrassing. At least it looks like she's recovered.

"… Keika will also be glad to hear you're awake. I'll let the nurse know you're awake anyway." She turned away with a small smile and flushed cheeks. "Hachiman, thank you."

I was a bit relieved she left since I could feel my face burning up. At the same time, I realized how cold this hospital room had become.

AN:

Hey all,  
First of all, thank you for joining me and reading this story. It's the first time I publish anything like this, so any feedback, criticism, and suggestions are appreciated. I saw that some asked for longer chapters, and I will try to in the future, but I also wanted to post this since this 'scene' felt complete and could be posted alone. I will probably post in this manner for the time being, but will try better to include larger scenes.

I hope you enjoy this for now, you'll see more sooner rather than later, I hope.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up most days with a strong disdain for school. Usually it's because I have to get out from the comfort and warmth of my bed, but today I took a bit longer to get up after my alarm went off. The reason being: I hadn't been in class for two days. The doctors weren't worried about a head injury, but I ended staying an extra night in the hospital. On the bright side, I got an excuse to lay around at home all day. Luckily enough, I was able to convince Yuigahama not to come over yesterday. She heard I was out of the hospital from Komachi, and called me so that she and Yukinoshita could come over but I told her I wasn't feeling well.

In addition, I still had to wear a sling for my shoulder. I would've preferred going to school without standing out, but was warned if I didn't use it I could damage cartilage and have issues later. I felt that somebody would eventually ask what happened and I wasn't sure what I should say. I hadn't spoken to Yukinoshita or Yuigahama at all about the accident, and didn't have Kawasaki's information so I didn't know if she had told anyone else about what happened. She's not the type to openly talk about her personal life, so I couldn't imagine her telling the class about what happened. Yuigahama, on the other hand… No, she wouldn't either. She's always considerate of others so she also wouldn't talk about other's problems like that for no reason.

I thought about these concerns on my ride to school, but as I got closer and entered the school building, I realized the main reason I was uneasy. Kawasaki Saki.

Kawasaki and I weren't all that close even a week ago, but considering what happened I don't know what to say when I see her. Not only that, but I don't know what to expect from her. Would she go out of her way to be nice to me just because of what happened? She seems like the type of person who would do that, but at the same time she's always been reserved around everyone so it would require more effort to do that for me. And again, if she's going to talk to me and be nice to me out of guilt, I'd rather spare her time and effort since she really doesn't need to thank me anymore. If it'll make it easier on her and me, maybe not changing would be okay.

As I approached the stairs to up to the second-year classrooms, I noticed a familiar figure standing, looking out the glass, as if waiting for someone. Her black hair swayed as she turned to look towards my direction, and although I knew at a glance who it was, the feeling of Déjà vu made me stop at the bottom of the stairs and take in the scene.

"You're late as always, but I guess that's fine for someone with so many disabilities." She didn't even let me readjust to returning to school before she started with her jokes. The smile as she said that made it sting less, but also let me know she was waiting to be able to say that.

"And you seem lost, having trouble finding your classroom?"

"You're being very rude considering I went out of my way to wait for you. How ungrateful." She turned and started walking upstairs as I caught up to her, but didn't seem too bothered by it luckily since she walked slow to match my pace.

"Why were you waiting for me anyway?" It was a strange question, but her being there wasn't necessarily normal either.

"I heard from Komachi-san that you would be returning to school today, so I wanted to see how you were doing since I usually wouldn't see you until club. But it looks like you are the same as always so it was a waste of time." She turned to smile again after she said that, letting me know she was messing around. I couldn't think of a reply, and she kept walking, taking my silence as my response. I was a bit surprised at her decision to wait for me, but more so her change of attitude. As I was wondering this, we arrived to where we'd split ways.

She stopped suddenly, with her head slightly down and still facing away from me.

"I also heard that you were in a coma. I- we were worried when we heard that from Komachi, but luckily you're back."

She walked away without turning back, as I stood there with several questions in my head.

The classroom dynamic remained the same as I remembered, nobody took a second look at me when I walked in. They did stare at the sling for a bit, but fortunately for me nobody asked any questions.

I noticed Yuigahama turn away from her group to wave and smile at me. At this point, most people in class knew that we were in the same club so that wasn't really an issue, but this was still embarrassing so please stop. I nodded slightly and took my seat and waited for class to begin.

I already knew, but saw that Kawasaki was still not in her seat yet. As I was wondering about her, the door opened again and she walked in. She seemed different, however. Her "don't talk to me" aura wasn't as strong, or maybe wasn't there at all. Her features seemed gentler; maybe she was just tired.

For some reason, I noticed that she was not only carrying her usual lunchbox, but a second one as well. As my mind started racing she looked towards me and walked down the aisle towards my seat. I noticed her face becoming flushed, and I felt my heart begin to beat faster. She stopped next to me, not meeting my eyes as she was facing down. My eyes were focused on the lunchbox as she lifted it towards me, and when I looked up she did as well and our eyes met. As she opened her mouth to speak, the door opened with Hiratsuka-sensei entering the classroom.

When Hiratsuka-sensei enters, she usually says the same phrase to call our attention and start class. Today was no different, but at the same time it was.

"Good morning, everybody to their seats."

The greeting was proclaimed in its usual, monotonous, "I'm too hung-over to be here" tone, but what made this unusual was that Kawasaki was the only one still standing, so when Hiratsuka-sensei came in and said this, all eyes were on us.

We hadn't moved an inch, so Kawasaki and I were still making eye contact and she was handing me the lunchbox. Noticing that mostly everyone was looking in our direction, she made a small gasp and dropped the lunchbox in surprise. I was able to catch it, but she walked away without having said a word.

Great, now I have to answer for this. At the same time, this may not actually be for me so I better not eat it before talking to her first.

As I sat there with this in my hand, Hiratsuka-sensei called out to me to break me out of my thoughts.

"Hikigaya, are you ready now?" I noticed her smirk as she said this, and also heard a scoff coming from the back of the classroom. When I turned my eyes to look in that direction, my eyes met Hayama's as he stared back, as if to say "Yeah, that was me."

The rest of the morning went by like a blur, as my mind was distracted by what would happen at lunch. I figured the best course of action would be to stay in class and wait for her to come up to me, but it'll probably be difficult since some of our classmates will stay here for lunch as well. I can't really go out though, since leaving with the lunch box will probably stand out, but so will leaving it at the desk. Damn. As the bell for lunch rang, I sat still, wondering what to do and glanced at Kawasaki's seat. She seemed to be in the same position, understandably, but then she turned to look towards me. She turned away quickly, and just as fast, grabbed her stuff to leave the classroom. As she walked past the door, I noticed she slowed down and turned her eyes towards me. Again, her eyes met mine and her mouth opened as if to say something, but then she turned away and left.

As I sat, wondering what to do, I noticed somebody walking up to me from behind.

"Pretty interesting first day back, wasn't it?" Hayama sat in the desk next to mine as if it were the most natural thing in the world. That's Hayama for you.

"I liked how it was before, a lot less to think about."

"There's not much to it, really. I wanted to ask you about something, but first you should go see her because it seemed like what she wanted to say was more important." I really didn't appreciate the fact the it was him telling me, but he was right. I should have followed her, at least to make it easier on her.

He didn't wait for my reply as he stood up to go back with his friends, and shortly after I stood up as well, thinking I shouldn't keep Kawasaki waiting more if I could help it. As I walked out the door, I turned to look towards Hayama once more, wondering why he of all people would try to help me. He was the same as always, hanging out and joking with his friends, except this time there was one girl who was sitting further from them, not laughing with the rest of them.

I found Kawasaki exactly where I knew she'd be. Especially if she was as stressed as I imagined she would be, she would most likely go to the rooftop, so that's the first place I checked. Loners like us are creatures of habit, and on top of that she would most likely go to a place where she'd feel comfortable and safe, I imagine. Also, if she wanted me to find her, she would have waited in the hallway or come here, since she knew I knew about this.

Regardless of how long it took me to find her, it didn't make this conversation any more difficult. Of course, I'm the one seeking her out, but I don't feel like I have anything to say to her. She's the one who was going to say something, it seemed like, but what if she didn't need to or want to say it anymore? Either way, I'm already here. And so is Kawasaki.

"Hey, you forgot something." I figured playing it casual would make it easier for us, and at the same time I didn't want to assume that this was for me.

"Oh, uh, hey, Hachiman. I actually didn't think you'd come looking for me." Oh shit, I forgot that happened. It would be weird if I went back to addressing her as Kawasaki, but at the same time this is still a bit embarrassing. She came down the ladder, as she was on the highest part of the rooftop, and I am at least 100% certain I saw black lace.

"Well, it looked like you wanted to say something. Plus, I didn't want to eat this without asking first." I looked away as I said this, partly because I was ashamed I made an effort to look, but also because this was getting at the main issue.

"I thought a lot about what happened, especially since you were away. I don't want to forget what you did for Keika, for us, and I feel like I could never repay you for risking your life for her. I thought about it a lot, and came to the conclusion that if there's something I can do for you to make your day easier, I want to help you. I don't know how to do much, but the one thing I can do is taking care of my siblings. I thought that I since make their lunches every day, I can make one more for you too. So please, accept this as a token of appreciation, for as long as I'll be able to make one."

She didn't lift her head until the very end, and I felt she wanted to meet my eyes when she said that, so I knew these were her true feelings. I have to do right by her and answer her in the most honest words I could think of.

"I don't feel like I've done anything to deserve this much gratitude you're showing me. You've already thanked me enough. I feel- I hope I would do this for anyone, so I don't want you to think I did this only because it was you or Keika. The fact that you will go out of your way every morning bothers me a bit, knowing that I'd be imposing on you so much, but if you make me one every morning, then every lunch break I'll gladly eat it."


	4. Chapter 4 - A certain someone's secret

saki-ch4

thin walls

As I walked towards the special building, where the student council and the service club rooms were located, I couldn't help but almost skip in delight. When I saw him enter the school building yesterday, I felt my heart skip a beat. I don't think I feel that way about him, but just seeing him walking again made me feel at peace, considering that last time I saw him I didn't know if he'd wake up again. Unfortunately, I didn't get a chance to talk to him since I was busy at lunch and after school, but I made sure that I would be able to talk to him for a bit.

They say that when we come across difficult situations, our true colors show in the way we react. I'm not sure if that's true one hundred percent of the time, but I do think there's some truth to that. That's why, when I saw him run to protect that little girl, I knew that regardless of what others say about him, or what he thinks about himself, he's a good person at heart. He's someone that will protect others with his own life. That's why I know he's somebody I would like to get to know more, and hopefully I can be part of his life and he a part of mine.

As I approached the classroom where I knew he'd be, reading a book to pass the time, I stopped at the door when I heard the voices of the other two members. I don't like to eavesdrop on others' conversations, but when I heard his name I instinctively stopped to listen. It sounded like they were talking about him, and not with him, so I was a bit curious as to what she was saying, and why she was still using that hideous nickname.

"Hey, Yukinon, do- do you think Hikki is dating anyone during high school?"

There was a long pause, as if the other girl didn't expect this question or topic.

"What is this all, all of a sudden?" Another strange, long pause.

"Umm. Well I had the impression he would wait until college, or maybe after. He's always been focused on studying so maybe he wants to finish school first." Hmm. She sounded too rushed, as if she was making excuses.

"First of all, he doesn't talk to many people, never mind a girl, so I doubt there's anyone he's seeing now." As rude as that was, I'm sure that's just as right. But if he's fine with it, it might be okay that way.

"Well, how about somebody from class?"

This time I heard a book being dropped onto the table.

"Is he going out with somebody?" Her voice sounded scarier than usual; I didn't know she would react like this. I mean, I had my suspicions but…

"I wanted to wait for him and walk to club together today, but I saw him talking to Saki-san, and I think she asked him to meet her parents for dinner."

Meet her parents? Isn't this too rushed? Maybe it's just to say thanks about the incident, but they should have already gone over to his house themselves to at least see how he was doing.

"Are you sure that's what you heard? Or maybe they invited him as a way to say thanks?"

"I thought so, but when I asked him if he was coming to club today, he said he wasn't feeling well so had to go home. If it were just that I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem telling us, right?"

She had a point, but he's always reserved anyway so he may just have not wanted to say. Another long silence took over the room, the hallway, and the whole school it seemed.

"It's not like he is obligated to tell us about his personal life, anyway. He can do whatever he wants." Her answer sounded forced, but it wasn't necessarily wrong. He really didn't need anyone's consent or anything, but I'd imagine he could talk to those he was closest to? Maybe we really weren't close at all.

"I understand that, but doesn't it bother you too?" She raised her voice towards the end; I could tell it bothered her more than a bit. Like me I guess.

"It doesn't bother me at all. Why are you so interested anyway? Like I said, he doesn't have an obligation to tell us about his personal life, and we have no say in what he does."

"I can tell it's bothering you. I've known you long enough to be able to tell at least that."

I heard a chair being scraped on the floor, so she must have stood up to leave. I quickly left, seeing that the person I came to see wasn't here anyway. Also, is he really dating her?


End file.
